I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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