Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
