Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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