Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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