I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
