people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
