Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
