My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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