I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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