i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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