dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
