Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
