I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
