Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
