I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
