I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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