We're like a lot better than the average bears
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
