There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
