Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
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smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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