Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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