No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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