Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
