i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize