Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
