Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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