I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
