I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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