you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
