he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
