So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.