dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
