Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
