I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
