i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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