well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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