i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize