do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
