Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
