ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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