you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
