Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize