I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize