Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
