Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
