If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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