i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
