It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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