come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
