My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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