I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
