He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize