Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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