Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
