Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
