I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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