I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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