I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
