he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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