Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just blew my weed a kiss
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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