By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
