and you said cock pushups were impossible
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
